Things You Do That Will Absolutely Piss Off Your Barista

We’ve all been there, coffee lovers or wanna-be coffee lovers, when you were unwittedly shanghaied by baristas into ordering their signature cups that seemed to change once every season. The cult coffee culture emerging in every up-and-coming neighborhood trying to become “hip” is here, and it’s inevitable. Here are the things you should not do if you want to live in your hood in peace. Because—frankly—you don’t want to mess with your barista, the same way you don’t want to mess with your hairdresser. They are as follows:

Ordered iced-coffee

Pissed off level: low
Because certified baristas all learned in school – coffee is a beverage best served hot. The authenticity of specialty-crafted coffee will be ruined by ice. To you—baristas—here is my suggestion: make ice out of intense Ethiopian coffee or South Africa Arabica something so we can pretend to have an authentic moment.

Mix different kinds of coffee and say it’s the same

Pissed off level: high
If ordering iced-coffee isn’t enough to piss off your barista, ask them to mix two different kinds and wait to see them frown. A lot of people drink coffee for the sake of consuming shots of caffeine and even there’s different, foreign sounding coffees like a Gibraltar or a Ficardie, sometime it’s hard to tell the difference when you mix them together. But what the heck, if they can be an experimentalist, then why can’t you?

Microwave it

Pissed off level: stratosphere
Some people like to heat their leftover coffee because they’re going takeaway and we’re not all carrying a tumbler to keep our coffee at the recommended temperature. Some places suggest that hot coffee is at its best at 74 Degree Celsius. If they don’t have a microwave—which is fair enough for a coffee shop—you can ask them to heat it in the toaster.

Put sugar in the middle of hand-crafted latte art

Pissed off level: the moon
There is no better way to ruin an Award-winning latte art than putting a spoonload of sugar right in the middle of it. Watch and grin when they shed tears as the wing-shaped latte art dissipates on the milk form and plummets deep to the bottom of the hand-crafted ceramic coffee mug. But—hey—at least you made them happy by ordering something hot…

2 thoughts on “Things You Do That Will Absolutely Piss Off Your Barista

  1. May I add another?

    Ask for decaf. 95% of Thai baristas will look at you like you just stepped off of a UFO from somewhere beyond our solar system. The few who may understand you will glare at you with scorn for committing blasphemy.

    Many of us have to avoid caffeine due to health reasons. It’s the only reason some of us go to price-stratosphere Starbucks. Thai coffee shops are missing a big market niche here.


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